“I don’t know why but I feel insecure whenever I am around that person”

Almost all of my clients report that there is someone at work that makes them feel insecure. And that whenever they are around this person, they doubt themselves more, they become more self conscious and act more awkward. I am not talking about someone who is openly aggressive or crosses boundaries, which is a different conversation. No, usually this person has never told them something negative, but they still feel intimidated. And that is draining and actually harms their performance. Plus, my clients are confused about their response because they are usually confident professionals.

Here is how you can start addressing a situation like this.

First of all comes… you guessed it, awareness! Become aware of how exactly you feel and act around this person. Most importantly, listen to what you are telling yourself. What are you afraid they might be thinking of you? And what are you thinking about them? Write down whatever comes up.

Now find out the facts. What are the exact words this person used in your last interaction? What observations is your mind using as evidence for your opinion of them? Write it down. Then check again: Are these objective facts or an interpretation? I am not saying intuition has to be discarded, but in these situations it can be very helpful to be crystal clear about the difference between a fact and what you are making it mean. 

The difference between the first list of thoughts and the facts is often the reason you are feeling insecure. That person happens to be your trigger, but the insecurity comes from inside of you. It is because in that moment and on some level, you might agree with what you believe they are thinking about you. It reflects your own judgment about yourself. 

To feel more confident around that person, you must address your own thoughts about you. On some rare occasions it is a matter of improving a skill, of changing something. But almost every time, it has a lot more to do with choosing to talk to yourself differently.

If you want help feeling more confident around that person in your life, I can help you. DM me to find out more.